Thursday, February 12, 2009

Sharing my scars for the first time.......again!

I have moved to a new school this year. I am always very excited to take on new challenges and new journeys. I am a person who thrives on change, but I also have the odd reservation about change. I find that when I go into any new situation I am more confident when people don't know about my EDS and don't see my scars. I am not ashamed of them, I just don't want the questions to start, or the side way glances. As a child my scars where blue, they were raw looking and stood out. Now I have scars almost as old as me, they are a lighter shade of beige, but they are saggy on my knees (as my photo's showed).

On my 'Teacher Only Day' this year, we went to Long Bay which is a gorgeous beach. On the information I received about the day, it said to take our togs for a swim at lunchtime. My heart sank for two reasons. 1) Being in togs with people I didn't know made me want to throw-up.....silly girl thing. 2) My scars would have been completely visible. So the togs stayed at home and only a few people even ventured into the sea, thank goodness. I worried about it for weeks before the date which is such a waste of energy. You will never find me in shorts, short skirts and I adore the cooler months so I can cover up and not have to explain my scars away.

I am single again at the moment as well. I always dread the moment when I have to tell the new man in my life that I have scars. To date this has never been a real issue and my Mum was right...."The man who loves you will not even see your scars". It's true (even though my last boyfriend was a total creep about it) but again explaining my scars, then my EDS is not always the easiest thing to bring up in a new relationship and when is the right time to bring it up.

I was a bit sad on Tuesday when my boy came home from his new school and told me he wanted to cover his legs up so no one would see his scars. I knew how he felt and it really hurt my heart that he had to go through the same things that I did. Luckily a hug from me and knowing how he felt, hopefully made him feel like he isn't alone with EDS on this huge planet. I would love to meet people with EDS in New Zealand or around the world, just to show my son that in fact we are not alone!

Love Rowena

x x x x